she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
