Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize