i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
