saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
