Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize