I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
