Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
