Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
