Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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