God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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