"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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