if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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