I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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