when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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