i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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