My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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