The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
