if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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