I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
