Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
