halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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