shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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