4 words: hood of his car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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