Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
