Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
