this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
