Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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