yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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