She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
