did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
