Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
