And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my sisters under your porch take her home
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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