my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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