she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
