his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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