hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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