Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize