so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
