My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize