Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
