well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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