Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
