my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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