thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Say something about gay babies.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
