That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
