Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
