good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
