I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
