don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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