If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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