We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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