your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
