i need an iv and a liver transplant
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
