Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
