I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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