Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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