I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
