I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
