Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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