Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize