I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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