I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
