Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
