You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
