Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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