cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
