he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
