Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
