Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
