I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
