This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize