I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
