So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
