remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had sex bonerless
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
