Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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