Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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