just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
