Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
