The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
