i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
