well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
