i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
