i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
