alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
