since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
