I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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