i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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