are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
