Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
